I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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