when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
