Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
worst night to have a conscience
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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