escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
