was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
