On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
