it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
