i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
