I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
