Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
