i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
