my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
