How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
