my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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