I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
