I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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