well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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