This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
