If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
