Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
