i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
