I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
