I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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