Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
