mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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