yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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