she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
