Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
