I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
