What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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