i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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