oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
