you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
