3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
