I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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