my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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