btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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