you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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