i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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