I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
