What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
