mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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