I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
40s are totally the cure
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
