but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
