i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Someone came in the potted fern
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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