glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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