you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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