remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
