O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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