so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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