Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
