my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
