____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
